My gift is a gift to you... Frustration (Damn!) He walked through my door... like he had never left… That same smile… That same look… This same man… Damn... We talked and we laughed… like no time had past… He touched me… He held me… He kissed me… God damn... It was different this time… like a rekindled flame… I'd missed him… He'd missed me… I felt it… Hmmm damn... There's just something about him... that I can't explain… I feel so… I don't know… oh boy… oh damn… …sigh… And I know, I know… I said I would never never ever fall for him again… But .............................................................. (have you looked at him lately???) .................................................................... DAAAYUUUMN! Dreadlock Dreaming I wonder what they'll smell like When we're engaged in our first embrace I wonder how you will wear them Complimenting your beautiful face I wonder how they'll glide through my fingers When I play with them in my hands I wonder if I braided my hair If yours and mine would be friends I wonder if people wanna touch them Like I wanna do every day And I wonder if, when you're eating They ever get in the way I wonder if you've had bad hair days Those days when they just look all wrong And I wonder if they sometimes annoy you When you're out in the sun for too long I wonder why you ever got them As a statement or just for fun And I wonder how they bounce off your shoulders Whenever you jump, kick, tackle, or run I wonder how they'd look in a ponytail Or if you wear them up in a bun I wonder if they ever get frizzy And how often you get them redone I wonder if you'd let me change them Maybe braid them or create a new style I wonder when was the last time you cut them And if you'll let them grow for a while I wonder if I will get tangled up in them When we're playing a little rough But most of all I wonder how they will sway to the rhythm Of you and me making sweet love My bellybutton told me... So I was laying in bed last night... ...alone, of course... And when it was completely dark and quiet... My bellybutton told me she had a crush on your bellybutton... I think the precise words she used, were "Angel sent from chocolate heaven" and "deepest respect for its depth"... So... I was thinking... Maybe we shouldn't stand in the way of destiny... ...And bring the two of them together... So... ehm... what do you think? The Truth Is: I want you. I wanna be with you. I wanna fall madly and deeply in love with you. And I wanna stay there forever. I wanna make memories with you that will last a lifetime... I wanna travel and explore the world with you... I wanna do the simple things.... Go to a movie, bowling, dinner, shopping... Whenever we want... Wherever we want... Cook you your favorite meal... And curl up on the couch together and watch some TV... We don't even have to do anything... We can just sit there... And be. Be together. In comfortable silences... I wanna make passionate breathtaking love to you... And I wanna have wild animal sex with you in over 200 different positions, and in more than 200 different places... I want all those things with you, that I've wanted for myself for so long now... And I want you to want them too... And even though you give me the exact same feeling that goes with all those things... ...still... I can't have you. And that totally blows. And I know maybe (quite possibly) I'm setting myself up for a heartbreak... And even though this whole situation frustrates the hell outta me sometimes... Well... most of the times... I'm just not ready to give up this feeling yet... Cuz in a totally selfish way (and I admit that), I truly believe that I deserve this... Right now... with you. Even if it's only for a little while... I just wanna drift away with you... into this ultimate fantasy... into this feeling of complete love... that I've longed for... ...for so long. And even though it's not really right... it just feels too right... to be really wrong. So... Could you just... Let me love you ...for a little while longer? A million reasons There are a million reasons why I shouldn't feel the things I feel when I think of you… There are a million reasons why I shouldn't smile the way I smile when I dream of you… There are a million reasons why I shouldn't wanna be with you every damn second of the day There are a million reasons why I should just say no and try a little harder to push you away …But I can't… There are a million reasons why I shouldn't have been in your arms all the night through... There are a million reasons why we shouldn't have been doing the things that I loved so much doing with you... And there definitely shouldn't be a reason why I wanna be holding you now …kissing you now I wanna be touching you now instead of missing you now... But there's one really good reason why I do… …and that's you. Wishful Thinking In a perfect world… My phone would ring Right now It would be you Apologizing With an acceptable explanation (that I can’t seem to think of right now) to why it’s taken you so long And in your sweetest, most soothing voice You’ll tell me that you miss me And I won’t be able to be upset anymore (which honestly is a long shot, but feel free to try) But in reality… My phone isn’t ringing And it does work, I checked… (about a million times) It’s just me here Alone In silence Wondering If I’ve been imagining the whole thing How is it possible That I can’t seem to get you out of my mind But I’m not even crossing yours? I'm not perfect I can't unscrew a lid when it's screwed on too tight And I suck at basketball cuz I can't jump that high I can't hang up my mirror, I don't know how to drill And sometimes I'm so broke that I can't pay my bills I can't watch reality TV without having to cry And I never cooked soulfood, but I'm willing to try I don't have the energy to run very far And how in the world do I change the oil in my car? I lack the discipline to go to the gym And I can't stick to a diet so I'll never be thin I hardly ever get to my work on time And sometimes I don't know how to rhyme (well... luckily today is not one of those days...) I can't reach for things on the top shelf in the store And once I start on potato chips I can't stop anymore Sometimes I'm so hyper that I just can't unwind And I can't always make up my mind I may come across confident but I always have doubts And Tuscany roads FREAK ME OUT The only thing I'm good at, is at being me But I am not perfect and I don't try to be There are a million things that I just cannot do... But I'm sure -if you'd let me- that I could really love you. Your Scent Out of nowhere I smell it I smell you All around me And I can't escape it Taking me back 8 years in time Back to your lies Back to my pain Back to the tears And I can't escape it The scent I used to crave The scent I used to love Now makes me sick I don't even wanna smell it But I can't escape it Out of all the scents in the world Why did this man that I don't even know Have to pick your scent to wear And this seat next to me to sit on So I can't escape it I want to slap this stranger For making me remember For making me feel bad And for smelling this goooood But it's no use Cuz I won't escape it You suck! And you stink! I hate you!!! ...no I don't... If I did, I wouldn't smell it I wouldn't remember And I wouldn't be writing this I'm glad I'm over you God, I'm SO over you But no matter how hard I try I can't escape you Like A Dream It worries me It excites me It puzzles me And it scares me It keeps me wondering It keeps me smiling It keeps me guessing And it keeps me up at night I can't grab it I can't hold it I can't taste it And I can't feel it I can't touch it I can't reach it I don't understand And I can't comprehend Coming and going as it pleases Never knowing when it will be back Back in my head And back in my life This dream It's just like you... But I don't really care As long as you come true They don't exist I thought I could read you Your words and your heart I thought you were smart I thought I could trust you Your smile and your soul But now I don't know I thought you woke up and smelled the coffee Guess I was naïve Cuz I thought it was me Now you flipped the script And closed the door And you're back to where you were before Before me Before us Before I started dreaming... And I should have known Dreams don't come true Especially not dreams about guys like you I seriously thought you could change my mind But reality just woke me up Good men are impossible to find You got my number One day you need me The next day you don't One day you'll want me The next day you won't I feel hopeful and hopeless useless and used My mind is messed up And my heart is confused You push me away Then you pull me back in It's like I can't lose But I can't seem to win In this court of feelings I pass you the ball When you made your mind up Then give me a call In the shower I turn it on and wait Wait for it to get hot Real hot Just the way I like it And as the mirror starts to fog up I take off my panties And step inside The temperature is exactly right I turn around in circles As I get completely wet I squeeze the body wash on my hand A sweet vanilla and honey smell And I spread it Slowly, but evenly All over my body I watch it glide down All the way down Softly caressing Every inch of me Like your fingertips Teasing me And it secretly Excites me Hmmm... I love how the water Softly lands on my body I close my eyes and imagine that each drop is a kiss A kiss from your lips Softly Touching me All over Hmmm... I could stay in here forever... I wanna I wanna kiss you on an escalator grab you in an elevator I wanna cook your favorite food to please you and stick my tongue in your ear just to tease you I wanna suck on your lips kiss on your nose lick all your fingertips and maybe your toes I wanna wash your hair one day and cut it... or ...maybe shave it all off if you'd let me... I wanna see how sexy you'd look completely bald... yesss... please tell me when you're ready... I wanna smell the cologne that you like best and I wanna feel if there's any hair on your chest I wanna see what kinda boxers you wear and if, when i'm horny, if they're easy to tear I wanna see all your scars and even your lumps grab your love handles and your humps, your humps, your humps, your humps I want you to correct me everytime I say something wrong so I can write you more of these ridiculously stupid and corny love songs and if I'm not too shy I might even wanna sing to you to see if I can make you blush (like you make me all the time) too I wanna buy you stuff that you don't really need, just to see the smile on your face I wanna hear you laugh when I'm joking, see you cry when you're sad, but I wanna make you happy all of those days I wanna take you to an amusement park and go on every ride I wanna jump out off a plane with you... hm... I'm probably too scared to do that... well, maybe with you I might. I wanna spend my lazy Sundays with you, just chilling at my house I wanna walk around in my nighty all day and take advantage of you getting aroused When you're not home I wanna call your machine, just to hear you say your name, and hang up at the beep but when you're there I wanna talk for hours and hours and hours and hours, till we both almost fall asleep ...and then... When I hang up the phone I wanna call you right back even if I have nothing to say I just wanna hear your voice every hour, every minute, every second, of every day There are so many things that I want to do with you, if I would get a chance My goal is to turn this friend- into a relationship, full of passion and romance ...yesss... What I really wanna do, is just spend some time with you, cuz I happen to think that you're great... but maybe I should slow it down... and maybe we should ehm... go out on a date? ...sigh... I wanna do a lot of things, but you gotta understand All of that will come one day, right now I'd be content... my friend, ...if I could hold your hand ...and then... ...hmmm... I wanna... *blushing* ... I wanna... *blushing some more*... I wanna fall in love with you and I want you to... kinda sorta... *still blushing* ... really, I mean really, really like me too... It's the simple things I've been having visions Dreams of you and me Things I want to do with you Places we should be I see us walking in the park Wrestling in my bed I see me blushing all the time You laughing at what I said I see us taking trips together To places we've never been I see me not wanting to be away from you Addicted like a fiend Cuz since the day I met you I can't get you out my mind Constantly wondering where you are And if you are all right Every time were talking It's like were getting close But you're still too far away from me And that really blows This smile that you put on my face This feeling that I have The way you feel so comfortable The way you make me laugh The way you got me hooked like chocolate intoxicated like rum The way you give me hopes and dreams Of what is yet to come I had almost given up all hope On finding someone real But out of nowhere there you were Making.... me..... feeeel..... (hmmm...) So patiently, I will await to make my dreams come true So I can show you what's been on my mind Open my world up to you Right now I just want you to know You make me feel content My dreams will just stay dreams for now Till I can hold your hand Daydreaming I'm just daydreaming of you and me at night in bed you're looking into my eyes so serious like you're studying every freckle every wrinkle every eyelash every curl surrounding my face you caress it slowly with your fingertips barely touching me giving me goose bumps and you're still staring into my eyes with that serious look on your face you come closer and you give me the sweetest softest kiss I ever got just your lips pressing against mine no tongue no moist just our lips touching for about 30 seconds and slowly you move away from my lips open your eyes and there's that same serious look again and I just can't help but get emotional this shit is intense In Silence My eyes follow you... as you move across the room... You look at me... And notice me... looking at you... looking at me... And I smile... cuz you're smiling at me... You have the cutest dimples... did you know that? You leave the room... and look behind you one more time... Yes... I'm still looking... You're the type of guy that deserves an audience... You're amazing... the way your body moves... your posture... your smile... Where are you going? Please come back soon... Oh... there you are... back already... That wasn't too long... considering I've waited for you for 33 years... but if this is really you... then you've definitely been worth it... You're the type of guy that I'd wait another 33 years for... Well, maybe not that long... You're still smiling... There are those dimples again... You're so cute. You sit down next to me... So here we are... sitting... in silence... next to each other... Finally... So close... I could touch you if I wanted to... I want to... But I'm shy... So I just smile... You use your fingertips to brush the hair from my face... You take in every curl... and you smile in admiration... You move forward... and your lips are only inches away from mine... I want to kiss you so bad... but I don't wanna rush this... You're the type of guy that deserves my patience... We're just sitting here... in silence... And you're staring at me... I'm blushing... Wondering what you're looking at... You're moving closer... Wait. Are you gonna kiss me? Shivers... all over my body... Yes! You are... kissing me... Your lips... so soft... on mine... Hmmm.... This is so unreal... And so nice... Don't ever take those lips off mine... please... Let's just stay like this... forever... Like Siamese twins... Joined by the lips... So I never have to leave you... And I can stare into those big brown eyes for the rest of my life... Hmmm... I can feel your breath on me... It's warm... like your tongue... twirling around mine... Slowly... inside my mouth... You're the type of guy that can make me lose my consciousness... ...in a heartbeat... I can feel my heart beat... wow... We're kissing... We're kissing! Who would have thought... that we'd be kissing? Our lips unlock... Wait! Don't go... I wasn't done kissing you yet... Come back! I have plans for me and you... You're the type of guy that deserves everything... You look at me... and smile... contently... Still in silence... Are you thinking things too? Are you wondering what I look like naked? Cuz I sure am wondering what you look like naked right now... I'm blushing... Cuz I don't want to think that... But you're the type of guy that makes me think things I shouldn't be thinking... I can't help myself... You seem perfect... and all I can do is hope... and wish... and pray... ...in silence... that I'm the type of girl that deserves a type of guy ...as perfect you. Sometimes I cry Sometimes nobody knows how I feel Sometimes I smile but my smiles aren't real Sometimes I try not to think about you Sometimes I can't help it, but I just do Sometimes I give up cuz it's too hard to try Sometimes I cry Sometimes I pretend everything is ok Sometimes you leave when I want you to stay Sometimes I can't stand us being apart Sometimes I love you with all of my heart Sometimes I tell you I'm fine, but I lie Sometimes I cry Sometimes I wish things were just like before Sometimes I don't know what to think anymore Sometimes I try real hard to forget Sometimes I wish that we never met Sometimes you make me wonder why Sometimes I cry Sometimes I cry cuz I'm not your girl Sometimes I cry that you're not in my world Sometimes I cry cuz it hurts to be friends But most times I know that the crying will end And sometimes I look up at the sky... for a while And then I just smile... Between my thighs Do you remember the day we met... What we talked about, and all the fun we had... Everything you said made me blush and smile and I swear when you kissed me I lost conciousness for a while Do you remember how you got lost in my eyes... and how I found you again... between my thighs... I remember every spot you kissed, every minute, every second I don't wanna brag on here but what we did that first night... was definitely a record... And God, do I remember you made me feel like no one had ever done... Like I was made for you and you were made for me... Like I was the only one... But... I'm not. And forgive me, But honestly; I just wanna scream at you and bang your head into a wall... For making me blush, smile, loose my conciousness, and above all for making me fall... And I really really wanna hate you now... But I can't hate someone that I still feel somehow... We both got in eachothers hearts, you felt it too, I knew it But a man only gets one chance with me, and I'm sorry to say; you blew it. The good thing about it, even though I don't know when... One day I'll meet a better man and quite possibly, I'll fall again. And the bad thing about it, the reality is that... One day you'll bang your head into that wall yourself, when you realise what you could have had. You'll remember that night, you'll blush, you'll smile, and I know that you will miss it... But don't you worry about me babe; I'm pretty sure the better man will know just as well where to kiss it...... If you were my man Would you move heaven and earth to try to be mine Would you make me giggle and laugh all of the time Would you lift me up and twirl me around Would you kiss my forehead when you put me back down Would you take me to dinner, a movie, a club Would you spoil me with kisses and a backrub Would you open up doors and pull up my chair Would you compliment me on how I'm wearing my hair Would you fix me a meal and then feed it to me Would you be all of the things that you tell me you'll be Would you sing me a song when we're in the shower Wash my hair and stay there for at least an hour Would you bubble my bath and pour me champagne Would you hold the umbrella when we walk through the rain Would you hear my voice trembling when I feel sad Would you surprise me on Sundays with breakfast in bed Would you not try to blame me when you slip a fart Would you be really careful when I give you my heart Would you write me letters, emails, cards 'just because' Would you not sweat it so much when I'm making a fuss Would you always be honest and never lie And even when it's not easy, would you at least try Would you call me sometimes just to hear my voice Make me feel special; your number one choice Would you still smell my perfume when I'm miles away Would you be longing to kiss me every second of the day Would you watch b-ball with me and root for my team Would you shut up for an hour so I can watch Crime Scene Would you have dinner with mom and not embarrass yourself When I'm sick would you make soup and nurse me back to health When you hang with your boys and you come home to me Would you tell me there's no place you'd rather be When it's that time of the month, will you cut me some slack Let me yell at you for a little while till I take it all back If I had a bad day would you hold me real tight Kiss to make it all better and tell me things be all right Would you buy me flowers sometimes and remember our song Would you tell me you're sorry and admit when you're wrong Would you not walk away in the middle of a fight Would we have make up sex afterwards all through the night Would you make love to me daily, and at least twice Would your passion and intensity water my eyes Would you tell me you love me everyday of the week Would you be my homie, my best friend, my lover, my freak Would you never keep me guessing or wondering why Would you assure me you love me till the day that I die Would you give me some children after you make me your wife Would you share your visions, your dreams, your hopes, your whole life And if I'm asking too much here, would you let me know So I can adjust what I wish for, without letting you go All I want is for you to love me best as you can Cuz I would do exactly the same... if you were my man For my soldier... I never even knew There were people as wonderful as you... You totally swept me off my feet... Who knew a man could be this sweet? Even when we`re miles apart I carry you with me inside my heart And there`s no way I`m letting you go for the next 50+ years or so You`re adorable, sexy, funny and kind You`re the choochoo train on my one track mind You`re cute, lovely, and did i mention sweet You`re the Mario song that I play on repeat I`m not eating and I`m sleepless just like Tom Hanks And I know you don`t want me to, but I have to say THANX For touching my heart in a special way For the glow on my cheeks, and the smiles on my face For the warmth in my heart, and the spirit in my soul For being the half that is making me whole! ...For you... Love makes no sense I've been lied to Yelled at Pushed around Called "fat" Cheated on Abused Slapped in the face and used My heart got broken even crushed They ignored my love Betrayed my trust And where do these guys even find the nerve To make me go through this pain that I don't deserve And despite the heartaches, the tears, and all mentioned above I must be a damn fool, but I still believe in love... Here's just something that my heart composed: Unanswered Love (This one's for you, E) What's it like to be you and have someone love you as much as I do What's it like to know that I will always be there Not a thing in the world that can stop me from caring What's it like to wake up with a smile on your face What's it like to still smile at the end of your days I love you so much but you don't seem to see Or even respect all the goodness in me I keep on giving but longing for more And I try to come closer But you shut down that door There is no way for me To get into your heart And maybe I should have seen this Right there at the start But I was in love And my love was blind I was giving my all and making you mine So... now... you are But I'm not yours And what i learned about love It's not something you force So I can't make you love me And I'm all out of giving On the verge of a breakdown Or ending my living Oh... I wish I knew What it's like to be you And have someone love me As much as I do I wish that you loved me As much as I you So I could be happy For a change too For Mike and Kirsty on their wedding I wanted to write you a song about love, cuz I figured that would be appropriate for the occasion But it’s no secret that my love life has been quite the devastation So I’m staring at a blanc piece of paper feeling some frustration Because all I really need is a bit of inspiration And now I’m here In this beautiful loving atmosphere On an island with blue skies and a warm sun above Surrounded by love... And all I really need to do Is look at you My dearest Kirsty en Mike And then I’m remembered what true love is like Mike can’t get over Kirstys grace And Kirsty keeps having that smile on her face And guess what, you guys; it’s gonna be like this for the rest of your days! Kirsty, you’ve lightened up Mike’s life And there’s no one in this whole wide world that I would rather see becoming his wife And you get to be with him every single day Which makes me a little bit jealous I must say Cuz Mike, you know, I love you bro! My best childhood memories all include you You're my hero, my idol, there’s nothing you couldn’t do And I’m so happy for you, wow… You’re actually somebody’s HUSBAND now And Kirsty, you are now what they call a WIFE And I know for a fact the two of you will have the most wonderful life And all I can do… Is be proud, be inspired, and wish even more happiness for the two of you. Something very personal, but I wanna share it with you anyway; the poem i wrote for my daddy. Daddy’s little girl I’ve been your little girl from the day I was born You were holding me close and keeping me warm When I was 4 you tripped over a wire that you didn’t see You fell, holding my hand and I lost my front teeth I remember playing the piano side by side Your hands on the low keys and mine on the highs Our Sundays were filled with Willem Duys and Formula One You cheated when we played games, but we laughed at you cuz you still never won We watched classic movies; Dean Martin or Fred Astaire You even tried cooking when mom wasn’t there I was amazed how you could spot any airplane from far And as super dad you came to the rescue when I crashed my first car You caught me kissing a boy and didn’t appreciate that But little girls grow up too dad, that’s just a fact You once took me flying high up in the sky And showed me the world as it looked through your eyes When I was a bad girl you would raise your voice I didn’t understand it back then, but I guess I left you no choice Mom and you did a good job, dad, by raising us two And I’m glad we inherited traits that remind me of you Thank you for being carefree and thanks for my smile Although it’s not here right now, and won’t be for a while Wednesday last week the blue sky turned grey An angel had come down to take my daddy away It felt like you fought it all the way till the end I was there at your bedside, I was holding your hand Tears rolled down my cheeks, I didn’t want to let go But you’re at a better place now, this for certain I know Our lives without you will not be the same And I wonder if heavens door will now carry your name Please rest in peace dad, and don’t ever doubt Mike and I will look after mom and try to make you proud I will miss you sooo much but I will get through Cause I know that you loved me and I will always love you If I could have you here healthy I would trade in the world But I can’t… So from the day I was born till the day I will join you …I’m proud to be your little girl J.H.K. 30 May 1932 - 10 March 2004